Bryan and Simon were fighting over TV remote. Mom came and shouted over them to stop their fighting and take turns. But they didn't listen, and Mom hit Bryan.
She was tired. Bryan and Simon had developed a habit of fighting so much that she was on the brink of her patience.
Now there was peace; Bryan being hurt and Simon scared. Mom went back to finish her chores.
After 20 minutes, Mom heard Simon crying loudly.
She ran leaving her work, only to know that Bryan hit Simon amidst yet another fight. She was furious now.
"Why did you hit your little brother, can't you see he's so small?"
"So I am for you Mamma!! You hit me when I did wrong, and that's exactly what I did when Simon did wrong."
I'm sure each one of us can relate to this story...
But this is not what we'd thought when we were blessed with our little angels.
So what went wrong?
"Kids are raised this way!"
"They need to be taught discipline, and they of course don't listen when we're polite"
"We don't want them to become spoiled brats, so we yell/spank to keep them in control"
These are some of the reasons we parents have for our behavior.
Let me reveal a truth:
"Our kids cannot learn discipline, unless we learn it first!!"
From decades, Parenting has been associated with labels like "tiring, thankless, toughest, sleep-deprived, struggle, panicky". This is true, but continuously thinking of parenting in this manner leaves us feeling like a sufferer.
A parent who is suffering from his kids' tantrums!!
And this is the start of wrong behavior to control kids. It's our mind which asks us to do anything to keep them in our control.
We yell, spank, lock them inside the rooms to cry.
And guess what we get back? The same behavior...
It means these techniques aren't working. There has to be something else which works with our kids. And definitely has to be different from the earlier ones.
Let's change the direction in which we're working towards making our kids learn good behavior. Let's be their role models. Let us show them how to behave and talk in different scenarios.
Here is an excerpt from the book 'Newbie's guide to positive parenting' by Rebecca Eanes:
"Learning to effectively manage our own emotions and actions is crucial. We simply cannot guide our children to self-discipline if we do not possess self-discipline ourselves."
Let's take a family challenge for 30 days. It'll start with us. During these 30 days, we've to:
- genuinely try to expand our patience with kids.
- watch our voice tone while talking to them, and others.
- speak respectfully to them, no matter the height of their aggression.
- smile while talking to them
- hug them every morning and night
- explain them why we said 'No' for something, because it helps in their brain development.
I'm sure a little effort put into these 30 days will bring positive changes in your and your kids' behavior. They'll copy your patience, respectfulness, smile and soft tone.
This post will help you to keep a check on your anger before it outbursts:
What's Bothering You, My Dear!!
This post will help you to keep a check on your anger before it outbursts:
What's Bothering You, My Dear!!
If we'll keep repeating these actions on a continuous basis, there'll be less of defiance. Kids need to know parents are on their side, and they too, want to do good for their family.
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