What, Why and How of Positive Parenting🏡
Purpose of this blog
Though I've earlier written a couple of blogs on positive parenting, this one explains the concept in a very simple language, along with the techniques to apply it.
Why do we need positive parenting
I am sure each one of us is filled with joy when we are gifted with a baby. We want to raise our kids with love. Because we know what is best for them, we want them to do as we say.
But as the kids grow, we are forced to raise our voices so that they listen to us. We feel guilty in being rude to them, but feel helpless because there’s no other way to make them listen.
That’s the reason we need positive parenting, because this guilt should take a positive turn. There has to be a loving way to make kids listen to us, and to make us listen to them too. Yes, that’s true. We too need to listen to them, and that’s okay.
What is positive parenting and how to go about it
1. Change in our perspective – Our society holds an expectation from kids that they have to listen and abide by their parents at all times. But this is actually detrimental for everyone. Kids feel frustrated because they are bound by parents’ expectations. And parents too feel pressurized by the belief that the entire responsibility for their kids is on their shoulders. We need a change in perspective here. Parents are guide to their kids. They too deserve respect from their parents.
2. Loving guidance instead of scolding – Whichever way we go, both loving guidance and scolding will have to be repeated because our minds take time to put into practice what is being told to us. Repeated loving guidance increases understanding between parents and kids, but repeated scolding erodes the parent-child relationship and hampers kid’s self respect when he is scolded in front of others.
3. Respect instead of embarrassment – The way we talk to our kids is the way they feel about themselves. A child whose parents are abusive will repeat the same to everyone. No matter what the situation is, we as parents need to have a control on our voice tone. We need our kids to feel good about them, so it starts with us.
4. Understanding instead of looking at behavior – How many times we scold/punish our kids, but don’t really feel the need to know why he/she did that? Bad behavior can never be eliminated unless we go to the root cause. Relevant question is “Why he did that?” instead of “How many times do I have to tell you to not repeat this behavior?”
5. Presence instead of presents – Kids will always remember their playtime with us when they’ll grow up. They need our presence to love them. When they were small, they didn’t know anything about toys or gadgets. Their happiness was just being with us. We are the ones who started replacing our presence with presents. I am sure even the grown up kids love to spend time with their parents, instead of gadgets. Ask them once “Do you want to play with me?” and we’ll be amazed to see their reactions.
6. Hugging instead of leaving alone – There are hundreds of reasons with kids to show tantrums. But those are times of need for them - the need to learn proper behavior. We are often mistaken that during these times, there is a need to leave them alone for some time so that they understand we’re not in their control. The same lesson can be taught by being close to them, hugging them and waiting calmly, for them to be calm. Our presence gives them the confidence that we’re with them in their times of need, and we can later lovingly tell them why we can’t accept their demand. When their minds are calmer, they listen and understand.
7. Small decision making instead of full control – Kids are not bound to obey all our orders. Small decision making can be delegated to them. There is a need to change our perspective that we know best for them. There are many decisions which are so small, that they can be easily delegated to kids. Even when they grow up, mutual decisions should be taken. They develop self confidence and feel independent. And that’s what we want for them. Right....
I hope to see you in my journey of positive parenting.
Let’s make this world a better place to live for us and our kids.
All the best to all the parents!!