Camilla (5 years’ old) and Sara (4 years’ old) are best neighborhood friends. Everyday Camilla and Sara play together, where Sara is a dominant one. She decides about every little detail regarding play. And Camilla just follows her. She disagrees many times, but Sara is stubborn and dominant enough to make her quiet. Camilla has an elder brother Nathan (8 years’ old). And Sara is a single child.
The same happens with Camilla at her home too. Nathan, either plays alone, or is the dominant figure when both of them are playing. So, this has become normalcy for Camilla.
One day, a boy classmate of Camilla bullied her. She cried at home but didn’t tell her parents or grandparents. The next morning when her Mom tried to wake her up for school, she cried to not to go to school. When Mom asked her several times, she told about the bully. Her Mom assured her that she’ll talk to her class teacher, and sent her to school.
This is what I believe is wrong at Camilla’s end:
1. She i…
I am a daughter, a woman, a wife, a daughter-in-law and a mom of my little daughter. And I am writing this blog with an intent to change our beliefs for daughters with regard to:
1. Birth of daughter - Most of the moms are still clinging to the belief that sons are going to take forward their family name, and are going to take care of them when they'll grow old. Ask from the core of your heart - which of the two questions holds importance for you as a mother? You don't grow up any of your kid keeping the family name in your mind. You love them because you are emotionally attached to them. So what is family name for you? And how does it matter in today's times? As far as I am concerned, my belief is that I had a different last name when I was unmarried, and now have a different surname as a daughter-in-law - so family name doesn't matter to me. I believe in raising a right person, no matter what the last name is. And I don't want to be dependent on any of my kids w…
The need - I realized the need to change my parenting methods when my daughter was a toddler. She defied everything I asked her to, and I constantly yelled at her. Our relationship got worst. "There has to be a calmer way of raising my daughter. I can't continue like that" my heart said to me. The belief - Believing that positive parenting is a better way was almost impossible. How can I build a strong relationship with my daughter just by guiding her with love??
Long positive parenting articles were too boring to read after a tiresome day. Still I continued because I didn't want to go back to old methods and I had lost belief in those. I started reading small articles and quotes. And started taking small steps. By this time, I had realized that I'll have to start small. And then go big. Small steps for transition: These are very practical, easy and small steps which helped me to start my journey towards becoming a positive parent. These all need just 10 minutes.
4 years’ Sam wanted a toy car desperately. But his Mom said no. He lied down on the floor and started crying in the market. Mom got really upset seeing him crying, and bought him that toy.
5 years’ Ria wanted to take her favorite sunglasses to school. Mom told her that it’s not allowed in school. She started hitting her mom, and cried that mom doesn’t love her. Mom couldn't see Ria crying and said yes.
These, and similar incidents, happen with us every day. And what is wrong with these incidents? As soon as parents saw their kids being disappointed, they too get disappointed. I believe, we are the ones who get more disappointed seeing them like that, than actually they are.
Since I am a mother of a single child, I too did this many times before I finally realized I was going the wrong path.
I overheard my 4 year old telling her cousin that she just have to cry and say 'please' multiple times if she wants her parents to buy her something.
We want everything to be perfect …
My first blog post on yelling with title "Stop yelling and start understanding kids" received a lot of comments where many moms disagreed with me that it is not possible to stop yelling.
I replied to each query, stating that it is possible to lessen yelling with small steps.
So here I am, with my suggestions that I have applied with my little daughter, and now I yell rarely.
1. Health: I know it's easy to say but difficult to take care of self, when we have kids to look after. But yes, there's a way. I always pour milk in my glass too when I am pouring it for my daughter. I cut one fruit for myself when I do it for her. I put 2 bananas when we leave for her skating classes. I take her to park early morning with me where we get fresh air and her sleep flows away too. So, I don't have to take out extra time for myself, which is impossible. We can get innovative to combine our healthy food along with theirs. I believe that when I am happy and healthy, I am aware of…
Daisy is a stay at home mom. She was cooking in the kitchen, thinking about the fight she had the last night. Suddenly she realized there was no sound of her 5 years' daughter Ria for quiet some time.
She left the kitchen, for her daughter's search. Little Ria was in her mom's room. She was busy embracing herself in front of the mirror while applying her mom's lipstick.
Daisy lost her cool, "What are you doing?. I can't leave you alone for a minute", she screamed. She took lipstick away from little Ria. And left the room with a warning to not to touch it again.
Little Ria, afraid of what happened, started crying. "Stop crying now, I am not coming back to wipe off your tears" Daisy said. "Let her cry alone for some time, let her realize her mistake. I am not afraid of her crying. She cannot control me at all times, she has to understand that. Everybody in this house wants to control me, and she is an addition to the group of controllers&qu…
Permissive or passive parenting is a form of parenting where: Parents don't guide their
kids.They are fearful of spoiling
their relationship with kids, if they guide them.They are least bothered
about the kids, as they have lots of other important work to do. So
they agree to what their kids ask for, or do.They are of the belief that
learning proper behavior is a subject matter of time. As the kids grow up,
they eventually learn proper behavior. So, they don't need guidance when
they are little.But is permissive parenting really helpful to kids? No, because there is a better way of parenting: Kids are new to this world,
and parents have the responsibility of teaching them right behavior. Right
behavior can be taught through love. Though it seems difficult in the
beginning, but with time the kids start understanding. There is no appropriate age
to start guiding the kids. Rather, starting early is beneficial because
Children are greatest stress busters. This is true. I experienced this yesterday when I was having severe stomach ache. And my little angel asked me to play with her. As we played, I forgot I had pain ever.
And I noticed how simple games she plays. There is no winning or losing. We have gotten into so much complexities in our lives. Every time we want to win in every thing we do. There is no such thing as teamwork where every one gets a sense of achievement. Every one is happy.
Our children are entering into a so called world of competition. Where the words losing and winning will come every day. And there will be disappointments for failures, jealousy with each other. We can't control the outside world. Let's keep one mantra which we can give to our kids so that they remain happy always, no matter they win or lose as per this world's norms.
"BE HAPPY BECAUSE YOU HAD THE COURAGE TO DO SOMETHING. THERE IS NO END TO THIS RACE OF WINNING AND LOSING."