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Showing posts from March, 2017

Handling disappointments

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4 years' old Sam wanted that toy desperately. But Mom said no. He lied down on the floor and started crying.

Mom could not see her son crying for such a small thing. She bought that toy for him.

This is just a small example of how we are treating our kids nowadays. We are more disappointed seeing our kids crying, than actually our kids are.

We want everything to be perfect for them. We don't want them to face any disappointment in life.

But is this idea going to work as they grow up? Definitely not. They are going to face disappointments everyday.

But rather than finding solutions to overcome those disappointments, they will learn to remain glued to disappointments, and will always expect someone else to come and get them out of those disappointments.

We want our kids to be strong. And guiding them how to handle disappointments is a part of that. Make them learn that we too are human, and we too face disappointments. But we gradually gather the strength to look beyond those d…

Mommy I am unique. Please don't compare me

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Mothers!! Please don't be focussed on marks. Research more on how we can be and make our kids more creative.  Teach them how to think on their own. Give them time. Don't scare them if they are not able to perform as per our stupid schools' performance.  I have been a topper all through my school days, but today when I look back I feel I was in trap. I could have enjoyed my life along with completing my studies. And till date I feel that I make better decisions when I am free at my mind. Same is true for everyone of us including our little masters. All of us can do miracles when our minds are free from any kind of performance pressures.  Why is there a need to compare kids? Can we compare Sachin Tendulkar with Lata Mangeshkar?? 
From this generation, lets change the way we raise our kids. We can't change the school system but we can change ourselves as parents. Agree??

Accept that positive parenting is a better method

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Few days back, I met a lady in park. When I told her that I write blogs on parenting, she started telling me about her 3 years' old grand daughter.

She said that the little girl has become very aggressive and throw things even when repeatedly told not to. She stays with her mom and a maid at home.

I asked her whether her mom plays with her. She didn't reply.

Then I asked her what do you do when the girl shows such behaviour. She said we scold her and sometimes her mom hits her too. She defended herself by saying that she is completely against hitting.

Then I told her about positive parenting and asked her to do the following for some days and see the changes in the girl:

1. Ask her mom to play with her for at least 10 minutes in a day and during that time, leave aside any distraction like TV or mobile. Play is like a therapy for mom child relationship. It builds connection and trust. We all know that mothers like their kids. But the real question is do all kids like their mot…

Understand them rather than punishing them

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Aarav is a 4 year old boy who has just started his primary school. One fine day, his mom got a complaint from teacher that Aarav hit another boy in his class.
Mom's reaction (conventional parenting methods):

When they came home, Mom screamed at Aarav because he had a history of hitting kids in pre-school too. "How many times do I have to tell you not to hit others? You don't listen, you are a very naught boy. You will get punishment for this, no cricket for next 2 days, and no TV or mobile. Now you will understand."

Aarav's reaction:

He will get further disappointed after hitting episode of school due to mom's anger. Plus, he won't be able to play his favourite sport for big 2 days. That's too much for him.

OR

Mom's reaction (Positive parenting method):

When they came home, Mom gave food to Aarav. When he finished his food, Mom held him in her lap, and gently asked him to tell the whole story. Aarav told that he and his friend wanted the same toy, a…

Stop yelling and start understanding kids

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Few days ago, I was on my way to pick up my 4 years' old daughter from school. Suddenly I heard rude voices of somebody. When I looked, she was a mom shouting at her 5 years' old daughter. I overheard her "I won't let you do ........ (something) for a LIFETIME." I was really shocked. Along with the mom was standing a teacher whom I have seen complaining every other day about one or the other kid. I wondered whether this little girl knew the meaning of "a lifetime"?? I looked at the little girl, whose face was, as if, she has lost everything. Then I looked at her mom's face. I felt as if she has lost all her sanity in the complaints of that teacher.

The BIG question is: WHY DO WE YELL?
Most parents have these reasons: 1. Kids don't listen unless we shout at them. 2. Our parents yelled at us, so that we can behave in a better manner. We are just following our parents. 3. Our elders told us that we need to keep kids in control. And we can do so on…

Whose frustration is it anyways??

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My daughter and I were together in school when I heard some noise. A lady was searching for her 5 year old son. She had come to pick him up from school. The teacher handed him to his mom. But on the way back, he got lost. After few minutes' search, she finally found him inside the school.
Then came the scene which I can never forget in my life. That lady slapped her son so tightly that I had ever imagined. And it was not the end. She hit him many times, that too in front of teachers. And then dragged him out of the school. I got tears in my eyes seeing the child's condition.
One of the teachers later told me that the said lady was talking over phone when the teacher handed her son.
I am a follower of positive parenting, and I am completely against hitting.
I have a question for that lady, and for all the parents who hit their kids (no matter what their kids do):   Why so much anger?               
The truth is that we are filled up with so much advice on how to raise "GO…

Stop Bullying!!

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My name is Alice and I am just 4 years old. I have 2 best friends Andrea and Camilla. One day I was playing with Andrea in park, when Camilla came and said something to Andrea in her ears.

Both Andrea and Camilla said "we won't play with you, you are not our friend" to me. I cried. I ran towards my mom. Mom said "Shh!! Don't cry. It's not a big thing." I said "But mamma they are my best friends. Whom should I play with now?" Mom said "You can play alone on the swings."
I went away crying. Mom doesn't understand me. The I heard my mom saying "These kids are silly. They fight over so small things." I thought to myself "Is it a small thing that my best friends are not playing with me?". A lady sitting next to my mom said "Let her deal with it on her own. She will learn on her own how to deal with these small issues. Don't intervene otherwise she won't learn."
Moms!! I am sure it must have happe…

Dad play with me, I will pay you!!

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John was working on his laptop on a Sunday afternoon. Sam, his 4 years' old son came to him "Dad!! How much money do you get for working an hour?". "Rs. 500 for an hour, son" said John. "Can you lend me Rs. 500?" asked Sam. "Sure, but what for?" asked John. Sam replied "I will pay you so that you can play with me for an hour". John felt embarrassed. He put down his laptop and held Sam in his lap, "You don't have to pay me son, I am sorry for being so busy. What would you like to play?"

I am sure most of us have heard this story. The why don't we learn from it? Why do we always wait for a vacation to go and enjoy? Why can't we make the most out of everyday moments?

We are earning to give the "best future" to our kids, but we don't have time for them in "present". This is true for both moms and dads.
I am not condemning anyone. I just want each mom and dad to introspect.
Most moms are bu…

Name my feelings

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Recently I read an article about yelling and punishments. I got that article just on time, because I yelled at my daughter yesterday. I wasn't feeling well and she, as usual, made me run after her during lunch time. Yes, I did despite of the fact that I am on my journey of becoming a positive parent. I did wrong and apologized to her later.

I learnt a very interesting point from that article - We should ask kids to try to name their feelings. Whenever there is a tantrum or misbehaviour, there is something else behind it. And kids don't know how to tell clearly what they are feeling because of their underdeveloped minds. There is a hidden need, and the most important need is love from us, "connection" as we call it. Whether they are hungry or tired or afraid or need love, they are going to cry or shout. 
I think we as adults also do the same. We rarely express in clear words what we are feeling. Our actions are the result of judgments stored in our sub-conscious mind…

I was mistaken that my kid needs me..........

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I am a stay at home mom of a single child.

My daughter along with me went to park a few days ago where I overheard a lady "Kids grow up so fast, time flies.". I didn't pay attention to it as I have heard that many times.
I came back home and got into my daily routines. Making my kid eat right and drink at least  2 cups milk everyday with lots of other 'important' daily chores. Suddenly, I realized I am so engrossed in my efforts to complete all the tasks that I have forgotten to embrace my daughter's childhood.
I am so focused on her clean teeth, everyday bath, combed hair, proper meals, adequate water, 2 cups milk and so on.
Am I not forgetting that she will be big soon, and the things I am fretting about, will no longer exist? And so will be my precious time with her. That too won't last forever. She will no longer need me to play with her, as she will have her friends to play with and chat with.
"I was mistaken that she needs me. I need her more.&…

Empathy is not a reward, it's a need

Jasmine had a lot of to-do's that day, apart from taking care of his 5 years' son John who was at home that day. She took him along to the market to buy vegetables. 
While she was busy putting vegetables in her basket, she saw John heading for a toy shop nearby. She ran after him. 
He wanted a toy gun. Jasmine refused saying that he got a toy last week. She cannot afford expensive toys every week. But John was in no mood to listen. He desperately wanted that toy gun. He lied on the floor and started crying. Jasmine, whose mind had gone completely lost by then, found no better way than to pick him up, and leave the market.
Jasmine scolded John for being so stubborn. She left him alone crying when they reached home, and went on to complete her chores. After few minutes, John was okay.
I am sure all of us must have faced this situation at least once. And what Jasmine did is what we all do, and think we did right by: 1. Not accepting undue demands from our children, and  2. Leavi…